7.31.2006

Postcards II

From my recent jaunt to Oslo... images of nostalgia and reverie, Norwegian-style (click to enlarge):


Inexplicably Angry, Unnecessarily Naked Dancing Baby
This just screams "Welcome to Oslo," doesn't it? WTF!? Was the sculptor a big Ally McBeal fan or something?


Human Downhill Cricket
Apparently, Norwegians are not content to leave all the weird-ass summertime sporting fun to the Swedes. Justlook at the stands—people turn out by the thousands for this.


Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition!
I almost didn't notice anything unusual about this card at first. Upon closer inspection, however, it brings a whole new meaning to the term "third wheel." And what's with that guy on the left? Pervert.


I should mention that I found all three of these postcards at the same newsstand, on the very same rack. Feel free to draw your own conclusions about this.

7.26.2006

If You Love Something, Set It Free...

Over the weekend, I managed to pull off the mind-blowing feat of losing not one but two items in Stockholm's vaunted transportation system. On Friday night, heading out to an outdoor concert, I somehow left my umbrella in the subway. Not just any ordinary umbrella, mind you, but a nice windproof model that my folks had just mailed to me in a care package. Then on Saturday, I left my cell phone on the train heading for the ferry terminal. I don't know what's wrong with me—I seem to have caught a case of the stupids, possibly from staying out late one night too many, and am now paying the price.

This morning, I mentally re-traced my steps: I knew I had the phone a few minutes before heading out the door, since I'd replied to an SMS as I was getting ready; but by the time we arrived in Visby, I was going to call some friends to make dinner plans for the evening, and I noticed it was gone.

Having convinced myself that the only place I could possibly have left my things was on one of the trains, I called lost and found at Storstockholms Lokaltrafik (SL), the organization that runs the local city buses, trains, and ferries. They had me go to the lost and found office in person, since there are so many umbrellas in there that doing it over the phone would be impractical. Not surprisingly, no one had turned in my phone... but sure enough, there's my umbrella right on the front of the first rack, with a sticker indicating that it was turned in yesterday.

So I point it out to the clerk at the counter, and she says, "twenty crowns, please." Yes, you understood that correctly: they don't ask for any identification or proof of ownership, but they charge you to get your own belongings back. With customer service like this, I might as well sign up for AOL, then try to cancel my subscription.

Remarkable. Despite the fact that I live in one of the world's most highly taxed countries* (I will have more to say on that in an upcoming this post), I have to pay for the privilege of getting my own stuff out of the #@$%ing lost and found. Sheesh.

*Official motto: "We're going to tax the living bejeezus out of you... and you'll like it." Which, though it is not widely known, narrowly edged out the other leading motto candidate: "Bend over."

7.24.2006

Postcards I

Fond memories of my recent trip to Gotland (click on the image for a larger view):

Clockwise, from top left:
  1. Freestyle Hernia (also known as Medieval Polevault)
  2. Synchronized Pillowfight Testes Crunch
  3. Men's Supine Velour Tracksuit Dance-Off (also known as Swedish RiverDance)
  4. Tripping A Guy At Twenty Paces Using A Steel Cable Someone Tied Around Your Ankle

Without a doubt, memories to last a lifetime.

Wish you were here (instead of me),

/Biff

7.22.2006

The Best Beach In Sweden

This weekend I took a mini-vacation to Tofta, a small resort on Gotland, an island about a hundred miles south of Stockholm. (Amusingly, the driving directions produced by Google Maps neglect to point out that the longest part of the route is over water, leading to a rather unusual set of turn-by-turn directions at the ferry terminal in Nynäshamn.) I'd heard about the beach in Tofta from several Swedish colleagues, some of whom described it as "the best sandy beach in Sweden." (The distinction is necessary because many of the beaches are pebbled or rocky, making them altogether unsuitable for sunbathing, volleyball, and the other usual beach-type activities.)

When I got there, though, I discovered this: a half-mile long strip of beach, ten yards deep at its widest point, covered with pale-skinned (and therefore frying) Swedes and their naked, sand-encrusted children. The whole thing wasn't much wider than a good-sized sidewalk; if I were mean and didn't have any moral aversion to stepping on the little runts, I could have probably walked the length of the beach without ever setting foot on the ground.

At the south end of this "beach" there was a narrow chute between the sand dunes, maybe thirty or forty yards across and extending a hundred yards inland from the water—filled with the entire Young Swedish Yuppie crowd from Stockholm, all of whom apparently decided to come down and lay out in that very spot on that very weekend. It felt a whole lot like Stureplan South (Stockholm's pathetically wannabe version of the Paris Hilton/aristocretin crowd, complete with their very own, flagrantly unnecessary blog and society pages, the latter apparently consisting primarily of photos of marginally attractive women holding each other and swigging Cristal or Dom Perignon1 as if it were mineral water). Vapid twits2 as far as the eye could see.

And this is Sweden's best beach???

What's the worst one like, then? A field of razor clams and a giant sewage drainpipe? A lagoon full of radioactive piranha?? With frickin' laser beams???

Oh, well. At least some of the non-Swedes there were a bit less pretentious and had a sense of humor. But next time I'll take my colleagues' advice with a large grain of salt.

1 Incredibly, this site actually requires you to attest to the fact that you are over 18 years old just to view the contents. Normally that sort of thing is reserved for porn, but hey... maybe they do things differently in France. In any case, it's totally meaningless—unless they actually believe I was born in 1899 and hail from Angola.

2 None of whom, incidentally, appeared inclined to put on any sunscreen. Maybe I'm just an old fart3 or was brainwashed by the Dermatologist Mafia back in the US or something, but no one I know would even think of spending an entire day in such seriously broiling conditions without it. In Tofta, on the other hand, it seemed as if it was a serious faux pas, like showing up at the Nobel Banquet wearing your underwear on your head. This may explain a phenomenon that is especially glaring when an American guy arrives in Stockholm for the first time: women in their 20's and 30's are smoking hot, but by the time they get to their 50's their skin is so sun-worn they look like saddlebags with eyes.

3 When I was your age, I used to walk to school, six miles in the snow, uphill both ways.4 Yes, I lived on a Möbius strip. Shut up.

4 Are you diggin' the nested footnotes? Well, are ya? I bet you're diggin' the nested footnotes. I can tell.

7.17.2006

Cars and Monkeys

One of the biggest changes in my life since moving to Sweden is a quintessentially European thing: I no longer have a car. Just before I moved, I sold the only car I'd ever owned, my beloved Nissan Altima, to a guy who came to my house, paid me about a buck fifty plus some pocket lint, and drove it away. If I hadn't pulled an all-nighter packing to prepare for my flight across the Atlantic, I probably would have felt pretty sad.

Now that I'm here, I've more or less gotten used to it, and I realized that I am nowhere near as dependent on having a car as I had thought. Of course, a lot of that has to do with the location—the public transportation system here in Stockholm is thankfully quite good (however: would it absolutely kill you to run the subway on weeknights until 1am? Would it??), and my apartment is located less than five minutes' walk from a subway line, a bus stop, and a regional train station. As a friend of mine points out in one of his blog entries (unfortunately there are no HTML anchors in the text, so you'll have to scroll down to "Your car makes you an asshole"), it's not such a bad idea to do without for a while. Besides, gas here costs about a bajillion dollars a gallon (yeah, yeah, I know, it's SEK per liter. Wanna do the math? Be my guest. At the end of half an hour with a calculator you will still find that I am right about the cost. And you will have just wasted half an hour of your life, sitting there all alone with a calculator.), and aside from the occasional run to the grocery store to stock up on groceries, I don't really need it.

I figure that I will probably buy a car when I return to the States (unless I end up smack dab in the middle of some big city). I'm not sure about what kind I'm going to get, but that decision can wait until I really need to make it. In the meantime, though, as a followup to my previous posts about places I'd want to visit, I recently read about two places I definitely do not want to live: Arlington, VA and New Haven, CT. Yeah, yeah, I know there is a famous university in New Haven, and one of my best friends lives there, but if I ever saw someone trying to jack my car out of my own driveway, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be all that diplomatic. I would be far more likely to activate the theft retrieval system instead.

For the time being, however, I will just revel in my newfound Euro-ness (well, sort of—I haven't started wearing black turtlenecks and drinking espresso yet) and save a bit of money instead of spending it on gas (no, wait... "petrol").

Maybe I can save enough to buy a nice new calculator.

7.16.2006

Stangt För Semester

One of the most glaring contrasts I've noticed between Swedish and American cultures is the difference in attitudes many Swedes seem to have about the relationship between work, vacation, and (in the case of restaurants and other businesses) the balance between customer service and employee welfare.

Back in the good ol' U-S-of-A, weekends were frequently a time where stores had extended hours, even on Sundays (well, except maybe in the Deep South). In every place I'd ever lived, there was always a big grocery store open 24 hours a day, and there was almost always a Denny's or an IHoP (or, as we used to joke in French class, a Je Saute) nearby. This was especially great if you'd had a late evening in the lab or spent all night hanging out with friends. And given the Starbuckification of American city life over the past few years, you could pretty much always get a strong (if overpriced) cup of coffee damn near any time you might care to be awake.

But here in Sweden, as I find myself thinking more and more often... not så mycket.

For starters, I know of no full-sized grocery store anywhere in Stockholm that is open past 10 or 11 in the evening, and in fact some smaller stores actually shorten their hours during the summer. The same goes for many restaurants and other businesses, too.

Nor is it limited to supermarkets. Banks? Yeah, those close at 3pm. Having opened at 10am. On odd-numbered Wednesdays in June. When Jupiter is in the House of Aquarius. If you ask nicely.

And it's not just about what time places open. I've literally lost track of how many times I have walked into a restaurant a good hour before closing time (as posted on the door), only to be told that of course the kitchen is closed. (Often this is delivered with an incredulous, you're-not-from-around-here-are-you smirk, as if I'd walked into some three-star Michelin joint and ordered a burger.)

All of this fits hand-in-hand, I suppose, with the generous paid vacation every employee gets (a federally-mandated five weeks, at a minimum)... but naturally such largesse comes at a price. I guess I'd been vaguely aware of it before, but today I encountered the concept of "Swedish summer hours" head-on.

This morning, on my way to work, I decided to go a few stops past my office to a little bakery I had discovered shortly after arriving in Stockholm. I figured it was worth going a bit out of my way, since they make the absolute best bread I've found in the whole city. But when I got there, I was disappointed to find the windows dark and a sign on the door saying they were closed. I thought I understood the note to say they'd be closed for the entire month of July and part of August, but I figured I was probably misunderstanding the Swedish somehow. So I turned around and started walking back toward my office.

But along the way, I started to realize that perhaps I'd understood the sign correctly after all. I passed at least a dozen cafés and coffee shops, not one of which was open for business. The ones with the most generous sommartider (summer hours) would be only open at 11am; others, like the bakery, were closed for the entire month, or longer. Can you imagine what would happen if the local neighboorhood Starbucks suddenly decided to do the same thing, especially in some place where the locals take their caffeine seriously, like Seattle or New York? There would be riots.

And as I said, it's not just the cafés. In early May, I needed to buy a couple of uniforms and related gear for the upcoming soccer season. I decided to go with a reputable merchant in Göteborg that had been recommended to me by several fellow referees. After going back and forth several times with them on the phone—perhaps half a dozen conversations, in broken Swenglish, to make sure I was getting the right stuff—I placed an order. They promised delivery in 2–3 weeks, and money was taken out of my bank account the same day. I waited patiently for an entire month, checking my mailbox in vain every day for the delivery slip. Each day it was the same thing: no stuff. Eventually, I got sick of waiting and called the customer service line. The agent dutifully pulled up my order on the computer and said, "Oh, sorry, our supplier is on summer holiday until next week. We'll start getting items for our customers then."

What is this, a fucking hot dog stand on Martha's Vineyard?



When I was contemplating coming to Sweden to work for my company, I sought the advice of a friend of mine who'd had a fair bit of experience working for VC-funded technology startups. During the very first conversation we had on the subject, he asked me one very insightful question: How hard do they work? He understood that the company I was thinking about joining would be going up against competitors operating in other cultures and in other parts of the world, where the work ethic might be very different, and 70- or 80-hour work weeks the norm. If we were only competing within Sweden, that would be one thing—but the high-tech industry is unquestionably a global market.

Well, now that I've been here a while, I can see that the answer to my friend's question is, not as hard as they could. This worries me more than a little. Given the attitude that appears to be prevalent in Swedish business culture, it's not surprising that there have been relatively few really successful prominent high-tech companies founded in Sweden in the past 25 years. (And no, IKEA does not count as high-tech. Nor do companies like Saab and Volvo—charter members of the They're-Boxy-But-They're-Good Society, but not really high-tech, either. Only Ericsson truly stands out.) So while it's certainly nice to have a ton of vacation and plenty of time for family and non-work stuff, there are drawbacks, too. The flip side is that in your everyday life, you lose some of those little conveniences you might otherwise expect when standing on the other side of the "counter," both literally and figuratively, if you lived in the States.

All in all, this experience has put some things into perspective. I've heard it said that the best way to really appreciate some place is to move far away from it for a while. It's certainly true for these examples. Of course, none of it is a catastrophe, and I've learned to deal pretty well. But I see now that the Swedish way of doing things has consequences to go along with its vaunted benefits.

I also see just how much I'd been taking for granted.

7.13.2006

Places I Want To Visit II

A follow-up to a previous post.

The next time I'm in New York, this will be at the top of my "to do" list. And unlike my previous foray to the top of a tall building, which was so enjoyable precisely because I had the whole place to myself, I think this one would be depressing if I couldn't share it with someone. Being up there all alone would be a bit of a downer.

When I was growing up in the American midwest, I spent a lot of time visiting Chicago, which was only a few hours' drive from my home. It has long been one of my favorite cities. Unlike New York, whose sheer size and in-your-face muscularity generally made me feel insignificant, I always felt totally at home walking down Michigan Avenue, spending an afternoon with a few of my favorites at the Art Institute, or just strolling along the shore of the lake.

Toward the end of high school, I used to daydream a lot, mostly about leaving home and going off into the world and all the ways my life was about to change. I also had my first semi-serious girlfriend around that time, and I would occasionally catch myself thinking about romance and dating and other exceedingly mushy stuff I'm not going to discuss any further here for fear of inducing projectile vomiting or epileptic seizures in my beloved readership. Anyway, at some point I hatched this idea in my head about what one version of my dream romantic evening would look like.

If I'd had enough strings to pull, I would have bribed arranged my plan with the management of the observation deck atop the John Hancock Center. (Compared to the Skydeck of its more famous neighbor, the Sears Tower, it is open later and its floor-to-ceiling windows afford a better view.) I'd park a table for two in the southeast corner—which has the best view of the city—plus a couple of candles, dinner, and maybe a bottle of wine (OK, so that last detail got added to the plan after high school). I'd make sure my date and I had the place to ourselves for the night once the observatory closed. If you've ever looked out over the city from up there, you know how breathtaking it is. If not, well... do yourself a favor and check it out if you happen to be in Chicago and have a free evening. (And if all of this is starting to sound like the climactic* scene in Sleepless In Seattle, well, I suppose it's fair to say there is a vague resemblance. But I had hatched this idea years before that movie came out. So there.)

Anyway, none of that is obviously going to happen in this lifetime, and the chances of my date and me having the observation deck all to ourselves are zilch in either place. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.


* Not to be confused with the climactic scene that other Meg Ryan movie. Same actress, different climax.

7.12.2006

Stonehenge, Giacometti, and Stockholm

This one's for all the photography buffs out there (and for you space cadets as well).

Recently, I came across a really cool site run by NASA called "Astronomy Picture of the Day." Today's image, a striking photograph of a remarkable sunset in Manhattan, reminded me of this picture I took one chilly afternoon a few months ago while walking home from work:


It's not quite as pretty (and as you can tell from all the snow, it was much colder), but I loved the long, Giacometti-like* shadows cast by people walking down the street. It's not every day you get to feel two hundred feet tall (long?).

*Note: the second link is Flash-based.

7.04.2006

Un Samedi Après-Midi au Fleuve de Roche

This post is dedicated to my friend V, who believes that nothing of any cultural value exists in Wisconsin.

Just in time for the July fourth holiday, Beloit does Seurat!


IE


I spent several pleasant summers teaching at a small college in this town in south-central Wisconsin. In the afternoons, when it wasn't obnoxiously humid, I used to go running along the banks of the Rock River. I probably passed the spot where this picture was taken a hundred times. I haven't been back there in years, but seeing this brings me back there instantly.

A random bit of trivia: eagle-eyed art afficionados will recognize that the woman in the foreground at right is wearing a shoulder bag emblazoned with another famous post-Impressionist painting, Gustave Caillebotte's Paris Street; Rainy Day, which normally hangs a few rooms away from the Seurat at The Art Institute of Chicago. Like the Seurat, it is enormous—the canvas spans nearly 60 square feet, almost exactly the same size as the "Grande Jatte"—and can only really be appreciated in person. If you walk across the room parallel to the canvas at a decent distance, the triangular building in the background actually seems to shift perspective. You can practically feel the rain-slicked cobblestones under your feet.

Additional information about the Seurat project, including photos documenting the staging of this scene, is available on Flickr.