How To Get Heismaned Without Even Trying
Last night was a first for me: I got rejected by someone I wasn't even trying to court. At all.
I had bumped into a friend of a friend when I first got to Stockholm a few months ago (which was not too surprising, since she is Swedish and recently moved back here herself), and we'd traded phone calls a few times and exchanged a handful of text messages (a recent example of which bemoaned a horrible date she'd gone on the night before; more on that in a second). Anyway, she invited me over for dinner the other night. Nice, low key, just some food and hanging out, catching up on the week.
While I was there, I noticed she had a whole bunch of pictures of Newfoundlands on the wall; it turns out she really likes those dogs. So on my way to work the other day, I see someone walking a great big Newfie named Jack. Naturally, I snap a picture.
Say hi, Jack.
Woof.
(Jack here is 18 months old and already weighs about 140 lbs. His owner says he'll top out around 165 when full-grown. He's basically a furry, slobbering sofa.)
Anyway, this makes me think of my friend, so I email her the picture. At this point, I am responding to her email from the day before, in which she says dinner was fun and again complains that gee, dating in Stockholm sure is hard. She even sends me this link to make her point. I figure maybe the picture will at least put a smile on her face.
Apparently, I am mistaken.
Apparently, emailing a picture of a dog to someone who has expressed a fondness for them does not quite mean what you think it means.
Apparently, it is Universal Secret Girl Talk for "By emailing you this picture, I pledge my undying love to you, and I wish to start a smoldering, unimaginably profound, acrobatically inadvisable sexual relationship with you as soon as possible, preferably sooner. We will put Pepe Le Pew to shame. The sheer majesty and aerobic vigor of our romance will dwarf the Kama Sutra; we will make Vatsyayana look like Mr. Rogers on horse tranquilizers."
Apparently, that's what it means.
I say this because I get home the next night and, at 10:30pm on a Saturday (that's 22.30 for our European and military readers), I see that she has sent me a text message, the gist of which is that she wants to make it clear that these dinners are "friends" dinners, no more. (Yes, I do realize that, technically speaking, I only went over there once.)
Yowza.
I hadn't even a remote interest in dating this person; it was just nice to have a friend here who is not a co-worker. By any reasonable measure of romance, the aforementioned dinner would amount to, approximately, a nano-fika. I never made any suggestions whatsoever that I was looking for a relationship. I was just my usual polite, friendly self... and I still get Heismaned.
Amazing. I think I've just experienced the dating equivalent of a "preemptive shhhh." *
* For those whose computers don't automatically play this link as a sound, but who nonetheless feel empty and incomplete without experiencing the author's wit in all its glory, you can probably save the clip to your desktop and play it from there. It should work fine with just about any media player.
I had bumped into a friend of a friend when I first got to Stockholm a few months ago (which was not too surprising, since she is Swedish and recently moved back here herself), and we'd traded phone calls a few times and exchanged a handful of text messages (a recent example of which bemoaned a horrible date she'd gone on the night before; more on that in a second). Anyway, she invited me over for dinner the other night. Nice, low key, just some food and hanging out, catching up on the week.
While I was there, I noticed she had a whole bunch of pictures of Newfoundlands on the wall; it turns out she really likes those dogs. So on my way to work the other day, I see someone walking a great big Newfie named Jack. Naturally, I snap a picture.
Say hi, Jack.
Woof.
(Jack here is 18 months old and already weighs about 140 lbs. His owner says he'll top out around 165 when full-grown. He's basically a furry, slobbering sofa.)
Anyway, this makes me think of my friend, so I email her the picture. At this point, I am responding to her email from the day before, in which she says dinner was fun and again complains that gee, dating in Stockholm sure is hard. She even sends me this link to make her point. I figure maybe the picture will at least put a smile on her face.
Apparently, I am mistaken.
Apparently, emailing a picture of a dog to someone who has expressed a fondness for them does not quite mean what you think it means.
Apparently, it is Universal Secret Girl Talk for "By emailing you this picture, I pledge my undying love to you, and I wish to start a smoldering, unimaginably profound, acrobatically inadvisable sexual relationship with you as soon as possible, preferably sooner. We will put Pepe Le Pew to shame. The sheer majesty and aerobic vigor of our romance will dwarf the Kama Sutra; we will make Vatsyayana look like Mr. Rogers on horse tranquilizers."
Apparently, that's what it means.
I say this because I get home the next night and, at 10:30pm on a Saturday (that's 22.30 for our European and military readers), I see that she has sent me a text message, the gist of which is that she wants to make it clear that these dinners are "friends" dinners, no more. (Yes, I do realize that, technically speaking, I only went over there once.)
Yowza.
I hadn't even a remote interest in dating this person; it was just nice to have a friend here who is not a co-worker. By any reasonable measure of romance, the aforementioned dinner would amount to, approximately, a nano-fika. I never made any suggestions whatsoever that I was looking for a relationship. I was just my usual polite, friendly self... and I still get Heismaned.
Amazing. I think I've just experienced the dating equivalent of a "preemptive shhhh." *
* For those whose computers don't automatically play this link as a sound, but who nonetheless feel empty and incomplete without experiencing the author's wit in all its glory, you can probably save the clip to your desktop and play it from there. It should work fine with just about any media player.
posted by Biff at 20:10
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